Lithuanian Stories.

   A Secret Story
   This story happened on... no, its a secret on what day it happened. All I can say is that it could be any day between Tuesday and Thursday. It was a day out of my usual timetable and not a convenient day - I had classes from 12 am to 2:20 pm and the next classes at 6:30 pm. A 4 hour break didn't inspire me too much, so I decided to do something useful. My first useful thought to do was to go and find out what all I needed to get a visa in order to vacation for the summer in Lithuania. I thought of being a lazy person and use a tourism agency to order visa and tickets and not bother with the hassle. A search via the Internet returned a few results. Two of them were rather close to each other, and I drew my first secret map. Why secret? Its easy - noone could ever imagine that its a map and not even a scheme.
   The first association that appeared in my head was that its a drawing from the book, "The Art of Lunatics and Its Influence on the Developing of Science and Technology of Aborigines of Oceania region". So you may imagine the level of secrecy of that map.
   Then I saw the address of the Lithuanian embassy and drew the second secret map of the directions to embassy. It had approximately the same level of secrecy. So armed with these two secret documents, I went out to the hostile environment. No, I'm not paranoid, but it's obvious that if people are not watching you, then they are watching you secretively.
   Following the first secret map, I went out the underground train station and tried to figure out what direction to go. As it was the secret mission, and no one should know that I am looking for something, I held my facial expression as that of someone who lived in the area. I pretended to know all the places around and started to walk in circles looking at signs on the houses and then into the secret map in my hands.
   I found one coincident street name and started to revolve at the place simultaneously revolved the secret map in my hands trying to find out how the art of lunatics fits the surrounding reality. No sooner than 5 minutes of revolving, I found it and walked in the direction... no, its a secret in what direction I walked, all I can say is that it was the right direction.
   In less than 30 minutes of walking through main streets and then through dirty yards, I found a suspicious closed door with a big lock on it. The address seemed the same. "Aha" - I thought,- "they had changed the location before I could find them... its suspicious and all my skills of secret missions were in vain." Looking at the secret map 'number 1', I also found out that my enthusiasm let me down. The other address I wanted to check was far behind - I didn't even notice that I had passed it (in the fight of secrets and lunatics art the art had won).
   I decided to go to the other underground station, because it fits to the secret mission - never return the same way. Besides, the other station was much closer. During the walk, I thought that I should see the Lithuanian embassy and find out what I needed to get a visa by myself. I took the secret map 'number 2' and followed it. The first surprise was that the destination station was the cross of 4 underground lines, and so it had 6 or 7 exits that were far from each other. I didn't know which one was on my secret map. I went out and started to think what to do (making certain to uphold the secret face that I lived there and know my way around). The other surprise was that my secret map didn't have the name of the closest street and only 3 street names but further than the exit. Obviously, I couldn't ask - in the secret mission it would have been the same as to ask "where are your secret missiles and the weapon of mass destruction?" Besides, I still had a hell of a lot of time ahead yet.
   So I started a spiral search around. It was easy - I walked a large circle around the exit looking for the coincident street names. They didn't. I found a big secret building though. It was about 10 floors high behind a tall fence, and a few soldiers had been guarding the perimeter. I saw that my caution was correct when I didn't ask about missiles. In order to be less noticeable as possible, I made a face of a village man who watches the Moscow at the first time. Then my interest to the signs on the walls could be considered natural. My new black jacket and dark glasses should have made me invisible on that cloudy and rainy day. The second circle of the spiral search led me to the same name as on the secret map. Revolving at the place with the map, I found the direction in less than 3 minutes (feel the practice), and I turned to the small streets. If my map could be the example of lunatics drawings, those small streets could be the example of lunatics knitting. Very soon I lost sense of all direction and had only a feeling that the goal is somewhere here, not very far from there. And when I saw the sudden sign on the road, "Don't leave cars except the cars of the embassy," I thought 'got it'.
   I approached closer... The embassy! With the familiar flag!..
   Familiar... Very... Norway! The descendants of Vikings and lumbermen without their small islands hid in the streets with the same success. Proudly passing the embassy, I continued my secret search mission. After a while, I turned around the corner and... the embassy!!! The flag hanging on the stick and not clearly visible but the colours looked similar...or no?... or... I came closer... Belgium! I understood that embassies are obviously breeding by fission.
   Finally I found the Lithuanian embassy and a board with info on its wall. Remembering that I shouldn't draw attention to myself, I pretended that I was an artist and just drawing the informational board; and as a surrealist, I was drawing my own vision of it - mainly phone numbers and time of work.
   Then, I found a note, "the tourism information centre is on the other side of the road". 'Aha!' - I thought. - 'For the sake of the secrets, I may pretend I'm a pilgrim or something or that I wanted to see the Kremlin and accidentally walked here.' I crossed the street. Surely crossing streets is dangerous for life in Moscow, but I'm so very brave... Also there were only 3 cars on that street, and they were all parked. I easily found the door with a 2-foot sign with the letter "i" and half-inch high words "closed". I thought a bit about what the letter "i" meant. Maybe "iambus" or "isotherm"? But surely it was too simple variants. Looking at it from the secret point of view, I decided that it probably meant "irritated irrigation of irretrievable irruption." When I understood its secret meaning, I thought that I was lucky that it was closed.
   With the feeling of a well-lived day, I returned to the underground station. But there was one more secret part in this story. On the way back, I felt myself thin (a feeling when the stomach is sticking in between of vertebras). The time was only about 5 pm, and the last time I had food and tea in my mouth was at about 9 am. It wasn't bad, but I knew that I would return home at 11 pm after classes, so I decided to buy a cake and a juice (juice makers make big money off me).
   But then, I found out that it was the real secret cake. Because no one will ever know who was killed to be in that cake. Chewing it with a thought that maybe I am eating the remains of a crashed UFO pilot, I went to the university to teach a group of students, which had been considered the most terrible group of the evening faculty. Though personally, I have the best fun of saying "Hello, children. How is your homework?" to the people older than me. But that is a completely different story...
    Renting of a bank safe or Kids, don't try to be smartasses
    Staying in a so-called private sector has its advantages in comparison with hotels. The main advantage of it is it's price. But one disadvantage of such a scheme is that the hotel has a safe where you can keep documents, and a private flat is not the best place to store anything important. So I, as a cool traveller, decided to find a place to store my passport, medical insurance and other stuff. I knew that banks have small safes for rent. So I thought it might be a good idea. The little problem was that I had never used this feature and had no idea if local banks had it. Naturally I'm very, very enormously shy. But sometimes, I have a funny feeling that I don't care what people may think of my mental level. And, I had exactly such a feeling that morning.
   This feeling, had been multiplied by a good dose of good beer (if you are ever in Lithuania, I recommend you try Svyturys), and when I was lazily trampling the ground of Palanga, the famous Lithuanian resort, I noticed a bank. Not that I had never noticed it before. In this case, the image applied to the idea and so I noticed it. Feeling like having fun mixed with beer, I turned the steering wheel 'in my head' to the bank.
   I entered the bank and looked around, trying to appear as though I wanted to buy it all but not sure if I need such garbage. Then, I noticed a table with a word like "adminictrtrs..." Firstly, I don't speak Lithuanian, and secondly, you try to read foreign words after Svyturys. I approached the table and thought a little.
   The main idea was that older people in Lithuania speak Russian, and younger people prefer to speak English. So, I started with English (my main mistake). In Russian, the little bank safes for rent are usually called "jachejka", and can be translated as "cell". The word "safe" is usually associated with something big.
   My first try at explaining what I needed was in vain. Neither "cell" nor "storing sell" didn't work. Then the consultant thought that I wanted to open a money account. This idea was refused by me. In general, the consultant was a brave woman - just imagine a drunk guy who speaks in crippled English, and he is not clear what he wants. Then, I thought to act like a smartass, and I started to show with my hands: "I need a box *shows a box* to put my things into *shows putting things into a box* and lock it *shows locking*. The consultant seemed to have a light understanding in her eyes and asked, "Oh, you need a SAFE?" - "YES!" Kids, NEVER EVER try to be a smartass. If someone asks you for directions, NEVER say "north-north-west." Instead, just POINT YOUR FINGER.
   So now my passport is locked behind a few metal doors and code locks, and I have a funny key for the little safe.
   Remember, people:
   1) the world is not too complicated.
   2) consultants are made to consult.
   3) Svyturys is a good beer.
   About walk, beach and beer
   One brief short day of rest. This morning I looked out and saw that the weather is cloudy and cold.
   A note: weather in Palanga can change very fast. Half the day may be very hot and the other half cold. And vice versa.
   I wanted to walk to Sventoji (a small resort town not far from Palanga) and thought that the weather is nice for this idea (not hot). Just ina case, I waited until 9.30 am to see that the weather is not going to change (if the weather is sunny, I'd better go to the beach). But clouds were still in the sky, so I equipped myself with my bag, fastened my light jacket to the bag (I was beginning to look like a cool traveller), and I went out.
   Just a note: I decided not to spend time to go to the cafe for breakfast because food doesn't inspire me for long walks. And I didn't drink anything either. Part of my way to Sventoji was normal. Except approximately in the middle of it, clouds started to disappear from the sky, and in the end the sun was shining brightly. I've done the whole way in about 2 hours - not a bad result for 12 km. Then I walked through the town and turned back.
   The way back from town was more interesting. A fast walk in the sun with not the slightest hint wind. I suddenly remembered that I didn't drink anything since yesterday (didn't eat either, but about this I forgot).
   Finally I "tuned off" from my feelings and concentrated on the "steering wheel" in my brain. This is such a feeling when I walk like I am playing a computer game - just turning to sides and keep direction while legs are walking. The overall way was approximately 25 km, and I did them in 4 hours and 15 minutes. On the last meters, my only thought was, 'there is a bottle of mineral water in my refrigerator.' People, do you want to feel nirvana? Walk 25 km in dark jeans and black sport shoes in the sun without a drink, then drink a half litre of cold water and go to shower. Can you imagine what it looks like to pour water on dry sand? I felt approximately like that when I was pouring cold water in my mouth. Seconds after I had stopped drinking, I felt like I had drank nothing. But half the litre was fine.
   I went to shower, then drank a half litre more and felt I'm ready to continue having fun. Since it was sunny, I went to the beach and laid there until 6 pm, feeling like I was slowly roasting. Then I returned back and took a shower again, because Palanga is famous for its sand beaches. The sand there is very fine, so go to the beach and the sand will get everywhere on you.
   At 7 pm I suddenly thought that it's finally time to eat something, and I went to my favourite cafe. A strange thing about that cafe. I notice that approximately after the third day, they already began to recognise me. Maybe the answer was in my charismatic sunburned muzzle, but when I started to eat there, it wasn't sunburned yet. Maybe they like tips, who knows; but the waitress already learned a few Russian words since I had eaten there. I wonder what my normal dinner looks like for normal people. Imagine a skinny guy asks for a big cup of beer first (last year one mutated waiter brought me beer after I had food but it was only once, now it seems they all already know that I drink beer while they make food). So imagine a menu in the following order: a cup of beer, a dish with rice, big piece of meet with potato and vegetables, big piece of cake, a cup of hot chocolate and a cup of fruit tea in the end.
   I started to wonder how I have place for it all in my stomach (I'm rather thin). Usually I eat twice a day here, but enough (because three times a day with such portions would make my stomach blow up). Hoever, today I ate even more than usual. So the skinny guy (me) buried all this food in his stomach and went to the Internet cafe to write this report.
   What a feeling I felt while walking here - I felt how energy goes from my stomach to my muscles. A cup of beer more and I will be ready to walk 25 km more (without additional beer only 20). But in general, the day wasn't lived in vain. Now a short walk to the pier by the sea, a cup of beer more, and I may go back with the feeling that it was the real day of rest.
   About tomato juice, cold sea and hot shower
   This day I woke up feeling that my legs are tired after a previous 4 hours ride on a bicycle (I haven't sat on a bicycle for years so some group of muscles weren't trained). Waking up is always a stress to me. Why, why I can't sleep for a week for example? Or for two weeks?.. A very stressful procedure in general. So when I woke up, I was in my best self-destructive mood. I guess when in such a mood, other people drink litres of vodka with beer and smoke 5 packs of cigarettes a day. But I neither drink vodka, nor smoke; so I decided to poison myself, with beer as usual.
   I went to my usual cafe and felt a problem. Before, I had seen someone drinking tomato; so, I thought I wanted to drink it too. But if I drink juice instead of beer, where is the self-destruction? It would be acting as thought I live a healthy life. But if I want something, it's no fun if I don't get it.
   I counted the summary of what I wanted and ordered tomato juice, beer, chicken with potato, ice-cream with fruits and ended with two cups of coffee. I guess the waiters already made fun of me wondering how it is possible to eat like I eat. Today, the waitress surprised me. She didn't write down my order but rather remembered it. Perhaps she just remembered the most incompatible products in the menu.
   After such a self-destructive breakfast, I decided to go for a swim in the sea. The weather didn't seem well for such an idea (it was a bit chilly in a T-shirt without jacket and the previous day was cold too), but for my mood, it sounded normal.
   The sign at the beach showed that the temperature was 15 degrees Celsius and the temperature of the sea was 15 degrees too (it's weird that they were the same, but about sea I believed). Now people, here is the mind-control exercise - slowly going into +15'C water, not jumping, not waving hands shouting "oof!", just going while the water goes higher. When the water reached my chin, I stood for a while and slowly waded went back to the beach. It was windy on the shore, and the wind seemed to be warm after being in the water. It's a plus if it comes to getting dry faster, because using towels on the beach was invented by losers (as brakes were invented by cowards).
   When I felt I was dry, and I didn't feel cold anymore, I went in for a second try. The same slow process, but this time I stood in the water longer, because what is fun is going into water which is supposed to be cold yet not feeling cold? This time the result was more noticeable. I started to shiver inside. Though a paradox, I didn't have goosebumps at all, but only shaking of the muscles from jaw to stomach and legs (and stomach was shaking somewhere inside, maybe the ice-cream from my breakfast started to turn into ice again). In such moments, I like to feel contrasts in my perceptions of the world. When I look around and think - why am I doing this? Though in that case it sounded as "wwwhhhhyhyhy ammmmm Iiii doinnnnng this?!" But, I stood there until I got dry enough to wear clothes and then went home thinking only about a hot shower.
   People, do you want to feel nirvana? Nirvana is in contrasts. Freeze to uncontrollable shaking, stay in such state for a while and then go under hot shower. Under the hot water, I thought that I would never get out. Though I knew it couldn't be true, of course, but the moment snap of feelings clearly indicated this thought. After 15 minutes, I finally moved my head out of the steam to gasp cold air. It was cool. I only had enough strength to get dressed after the shower. I fell asleep immediately after. The time was 2 pm, and I don't know why I had such a reaction.
   As I've said, waking up is always a stress to me. Why, why I can't sleep for a week for example? Or for two weeks?.. Or for three?... Besides, after sleep during the day, saturation settings of the eyes moves to the grey and the overall state is not perfect. Why not for a week?! After half an hour of thinking over this problem with closed eyes, I understood that I will have to get up because the time was 5 pm, and I obviously couldn't sleep until the next morning. Damn! Another 30 minutes I spent on getting up - first open one eye, then the other, then move one leg to the floor, then rest for 5 minutes from such great effort... So the time is 6.30 pm. I sit, writing this report online and thinking that when I finish, I will go to eat the second time this day... Hmm... maybe this time I should order 3 cups of coffee?..
   About beer, ice-cream and drinking water in the morning.
   Yesterday I returned from the beach, got online for a while, as usual and went to my usual cafe with a sudden wish to get drunk. It was a weird wish, as I hardly can remember when I really was under the influence of alcohol the last time. But while I'm resting, I should listen to my wishes or else the rest won't be fun.
   So I sat, not as usual face to the street, but face to the wall, made my face gloomy (I have a stereotype that everyone who wants to get drunk alone should have such face) and ordered beer (dark beer usually hits me harder so I took it), then my favourite meat with potato and vegetables and then beer again. Listening to my emotions, I surprised myself (a rare thing) asking for one more meat (and portions that are not small) and surely for one more beer.
   Somewhere in the middle of my ordering, a loud company sat down right behind my back. But they could do nothing with my nirvana. I felt like I was resting while kids from kindergarten screamed around.
   Then another idea visited me. It was already late evening, and I thought how I am resting here while people work. It was about waiters. So I thought that it might be a good idea to buy them all an ice-cream.
   Normally I would hardly invent such idea, but perhaps I was drunk. Though I've been suspecting for a long time that it's just an excuse I invent for myself and really I felt as usual. But its convenient to think: "I'm not responsible for my actions now because I'm drunk."
   After all, maybe it's only my image of a quiet, polite, shy and ENORMOUSLY humble guy (yeah, yeah, this is me) doesn't let me to have the real fun. So I called the waitress and asked, "May I buy an ice-cream for all the waiters here?" Perhaps the waiters had already lost their ability to be surprised by me (the first question I asked them for the first time this summer was, "What is the address of this place?"... but this is another story). So I found out that yes, I really can do this, and it can probably be a normal practice, but I'm an ignorant fella, and if its really normal then I may say that I invented this idea myself (am I a great thinker? obviously).
   Though the conception is not brand new. What is a good polite way to give tips to a cashier girl in some club for example? They often sell miscellaneous stuff like chewing gum or chocolates. So you need just to buy what you need, and a chocolate in the end. Then you move chocolate back saying "and this is for you" and move out. Obviously she will put it back and will take the money. But imagine that you just give the money. Its so vulgar... Besides, chocolate is not expensive (I always think so rational).
   But perhaps that time the waiters were too shy to take money from a person whose eyes were thoughtful looking: left eye to the left and the right eye to the right. They said they will take an ice-cream tomorrow (perhaps they thought that I would be sober then), and I said that I will come tomorrow (surely because I always eat there).
   In the morning I woke up feeling myself a bit dry. One of my traits is that I never drink to the condition which may spoil the next day. I have a small bottle of water and a big one. If I need to go somewhere and take water, I take a small bottle, filling it from the big one. So I took the small bottle and started to get dressed, while sipping from the bottle. The water suddenly ended. I filled it again and went to shower while continuing to drink. The water ended again. Again I filled it and started to shave. Suddenly, I saw the picture like from aside. A shelf with lathe, shaving foam, aftershave and a bottle of water and I took it all in turns. Of course, when my face started to look like it belongs to a good intelligent guy (though where have you seen an intelligent guy without make up?) the water ended again.
   I went to the cafe. Another stereotype I have is that if people have a hangover, they drink tomato juice or coffee. I didn't know what is right, so I ordered both but only to find out the coffee machine is broken. So this is what it feels like to lose illusions... So I asked my usual red tea instead.
   The waiters work in turns, and this waitress had a day off yesterday (I could understand it easily because her face was newly sunburned), so she didn't know the story from the previous day. I had to repeat the main part. She thought that I would leave tomorrow, and this is the reason but I explained that even if I'm drunk my word is my word. So we started to count waiters. After a short review, 5 persons were identified. I asked to add 5 ice-creams to my bill and went to buy the railway ticket back home (I will leave in a week). The weather is not sunny, so I sit online writing this report, again. Kids, don't drink alcohol.
   About waterbike.
   Today I went to the beach as usual and saw the rental of waterbikes. Actually, I saw people drive them before, but today I thought that I should try this thing too. First, they gave me a paper to sign. It was in Lithuanian, but I guessed about its meaning. The paper said that I don't give a shit about my life, that from my childhood I suffered of suicidal syndrome and that I don't mind if I drown into a sea, if the bike explodes under me, if a shark eats me, or if a UFO steals me while I'm on a bike. And 2 pages of such text. Thinking over all those points, I decided that I fit all points and signed it.
   I bought 10 minutes of time and started to listen to explanations of how to drive it.Everything was easy. There was a button to start/stop the engine and a lever of gas, pull it a little, the speed is small, pull it more, the speed is higher. And the main thing that I clearly understood, I really like this thing. It HAS NO BRAKES. Yay, brakes were invented by cowards, it's a known fact, and finally someone made something for normal people. Also I was explained what to do if I drop from it and what I especially liked what to do if it turns upside down.
   I sat on a bike, started the engine and pulled the lever a bit. It started to move! Wow, that was cool. I went further to the sea for not to drive over someone accidentally.
   A note. People, if you want to have real fun, NEVER drive in a calm sea, there must be waves for fun. But in my case the sea was VERY calm and almost no waves. Shit...
   So I went further to the limiting floating flags, turned the bike along the shore and thought that the higher speed, the more fun, so I pulled the gas lever to the limit and started to wait for fun. Hmmm... the speed meter didn't work for some reason, but it was calibrated to 70 of I don't know what, perhaps kilometres per hour. Yeah, perhaps it was something like that.
   Now why I mentioned waves. On waves waterbikes jump. At top speed, it jumps rather high even on waves I usually don't consider waves at all. After the firste wave, I understood why people drive bikes standing - the bike suddenly dropped down a bit and then hit my ass hard. Hmm... What can I say... I was lucky the wave was a little one.
   After that accident, I raised and tried to understand, where is the fun?! Trying to turn at high speed was interesting, the wall of water raised two times higher than the bike. I decided to continue, turning it from side to side and watching water raising from sides of the bike.
   Then, I understood why they told me what to do if the waterbike turns upside down - with such driving, I clearly felt instability.
   So I was driving for my 10 minutes, releasing the lever to half only when I had to turn around.
   In general, I decided that calm sea was not so much fun, damn, I missed a few really cool days for driving. So this is a sad story which shows that sometimes I may miss the real fun.
   About mobile phones, artificial intelligence and paranoia
   Once I had absolutely nothing to do. There was no sun to take a sunbathe, and I had no mood to drink beer. Thinking over this problem, I remembered that there are some games in my mobile phone. Looking at the names, I remembered that I saw a game named 'Reversi', in a not-electronic table version, and I knew how to play it. So I set the easiest level and started the game. I lost it!
   Do you think that doesn't sound scary? Then I will put it in different words - my mobile phone had BEATEN me!!!
   I played it again, and again I lost the game. And then the idea hit me - the artificial intelligence is in my mobile phone! Computers are already smarter than me - they are taking over the world! I imagined burying my phone deep in the ground, but then saw it wouldn't help - my mobile still would be thinking. Damn.
   Then I imagined that I would take a hammer and smash my mobile into tiny pieces. That helped!! I saw that I still have the power over this device. So I calmed down and continued to play developing strategy. Shortly, after about an hour, I could win the phone game on the hardest level. I understood that the immediate threat to the world is not here yet. That was such a relief... Though I decided not to play other available games to avoid other psychological traumas.
   Meanwhile the sun appeared, and I went to sunbathe... under the sleepless eyes of spy satellites.
   About days off, evil coin-eating machines and Lithuanian Playboy
   My rest was coming to an end. I rested from people and wanted to return to society (to continue destruction of mankind, of course). So I went to the railway ticket office and found out there are trains to Moscow from Klaipeda on Sundays. Klaipeda is situated about 25 km from Palanga so it was very convenient. I bought the ticket and returned to my usual walks and beer (thinking over the ways of increasing entropy in the universe).
   But obviously, things can't go normal with me. On Saturday, I went to the bank to take my things from the safe (read part about renting a safe) and got to know that Saturday and Sunday are days off in the bank. Perhaps any normal person would feel some discomfort. I felt only "ah, damn, one more day of drinking beer."
   I phoned to prolong the rent of my room for one more day and went to the ticket office for a new ticket. There were only tickets from Vilnius on Monday (about 350 km from Palanga), but I knew there are buses to Vilnius, so I purchased the ticket and gave away the old one. If I had given away the old ticket more then in 24 hours I would have lost no money at all. In this case I lost about 10 dollars. It was normal to me, but a very kind woman felt such pity for me that I felt confused remembering that I spent 20 times more only on souvenirs.
   Then I went to the bus station and started to examine the timetable. There were 2 acceptable times, but in the first variant I come to Vilnius 3 hours before the train and in the second variant 40 minutes before. Thinking that 350 km is a long distance and everything may happen, I purchased the ticket to the earlier bus.
   In general, it wasn't bad because on Sunday (when I thought I would be on my way home), there was good weather and I tried to drive a waterbike (yeah, there is a chapter about it). The only thing that I didn't write about the waterbike is that I had aches in my leg muscles the next day.
   The next morning, I returned the key to my flat and went to the bus station. The travel wasn't very interesting. Four and a half hours in a bus and I stay on a bus station in Vilnius with a big bag and have 3 hours before the train. But what the hell, am I a cool traveller or what? Peacefully sitting on a bench for 3 hours didn't inspire me. First, I had to get rid of my big bag. I remembered that I heard that there are places for storing luggage, though I had never used such things. I saw many signs where only one was familiar - WC, still don't know abbreviation, perhaps Wacky/Crazy or something like that.
   Then I saw a sign which showed something like a bag and a key above it. Following the arrows on this sign, I approached the room with many metal boxes and banner like "electronic system". I saw that I approached the right place, because I believe computers will kill humanity, so I support computers wherever I can. Hail the machines! (eh... nevermind). There were a lot of doors and 2 or 3 small screens with keyboards. Now I will confess (only don't fall on the floor): I started to search for a manual! Though I always say that manuals are for idiots, but sometimes I read them, this is the sad truth...
   So I found the manual and followed it. It said, "Put the luggage into the cell." I did so. "Close the door" - I closed it and heard the lock close. "Drop 3 litas in coins". At this point, I stopped because I had only coins for 2 and 5 litas. But I read, "if you dropped more money, they don't return."
   So I thought "what the hell?" and dropped 5 litas. But the coin appeared in the coin return . I took it and dropped it again. It fell through the machine once more. Of course, a year before I could think what to do, because the machine locked my bag but doesn't want to take my coins. Now, I lived on a higher level of not giving a damn to such rubbish and in a funny mood, so I dropped the coin again. Of course, the machine spitted it out but this time the cell opened. I felt a bit disappointed.
   But then I saw other rows of smaller cells, where the price was 2 litas. I put my bag into it, closed the door and dropped the coin. The machine ate it! Then, it thought a moment what to do and gave me a ticket.
   In this ticket, there was the number of the cell and a 6 number code under words "enter this code to take your luggage, keep in secret". Secret! Secrets are cool. I took the ticket and went to search for beer. If I search for beer, I will most likely find it. Don't know if it's a sixth sense or something else; but in a very short time, I was slowly drinking beer in a cafe on the inside of a train station, trying to spend my time before the train. After a cup of beer, I felt that I needed more to reach that level of conscience I like to be in. So I purchased a bar of chocolate and one more beer.
   Chocolate is like a weak drug and although to get the effect you have to eat 20 bars of it and hardly anyone can survive it, but with alcohol it affects my mood. Two cups of beer and chocolate made my mood different. I understood that I got enough when I saw two cops entering the cafe and felt that I want to have a picture with me and them as I'm arrested. I would add a pile of weapon in the picture in Photoshop and it could be a hit. But I still felt some limits. After, all I was alone in another country. No one knew where I was and playing such jokes wouldn't be very smart. So, I only ordered two cups of coffee to add caffeine to my blood and left. But I had to do something not typical for me. During the last months, I live in myself like I watch a movie - I never know what I will do. It could be a split of personality but I think I just have too dumb a mind for it to split. So I saw a man selling newspapers and magazines and had a little innocent fun. I approached him and asked, "Do you have a Lithuanian Playboy?" I learned that such Playboy magazines didn't exist. Damn. I would have bought it if it had been there. It would be such an exotic.
   Walking around, I also found the music shop with music styles such as "rokas" and "metalas", though the choice was poor. But I spent my time, successfully took my bag entering the secret code, climbed into the train and in the morning I was in Moscow. Home, sweet home. Motherland f@#%ing Russia.

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